Critique on a Song?

Category: Jam Session

Post 1 by Gracesong (Zone BBS is my Life) on Thursday, 29-Jan-2009 0:27:00

Here's the first verse and chorus to a song that I've just written.
Honest, yes honest, opinions and constructive criticism very welcome!

Chasing Shadows

The window panes rattle again
Keeping me wide awake
The clock ticks on in perfect time
As every second slips away
I hold my breath afraid to say
What I've kept locked inside
For fear that you will turn and leave
Leaving me hollow but alive

Mask after mask you hope to conceal
Your shattered heart in mystery
But I see you
And I hear your tears
Crash to the ground tonight
Sitting in the dark with your melodies
Calm your stormy soul with every key
Are you there
Or am I chasing shadows tonight?

Post 2 by Sword of Sapphire (Whether you agree with my opinion or not, you're still gonna read it!) on Thursday, 29-Jan-2009 21:11:39

It's so down and /filled with dejection. That's the way I perceived it,anyway.

Post 3 by Gracesong (Zone BBS is my Life) on Thursday, 29-Jan-2009 23:42:56

Yeah, it's one of my I'm-feeling-terrible-so-I'll-vommit-my-thoughts-on-paper songs. lol
If I post more songs in the future, I'll try to post a happy one.
Keep those honest comments coming, though.

Post 4 by Jesse (Hmm!) on Friday, 30-Jan-2009 0:41:13

Definitely not designed to be built around a major chord sequence. I can actually hear the orchestration while reading the words...real sharp, edgy string stabs as a backing somewhere in the track.

Post 5 by singingsensation (I just keep on posting!) on Friday, 30-Jan-2009 21:54:05

I believe it's not major either.

Post 6 by cumbiambera2005 (i just keep on posting!) on Saturday, 31-Jan-2009 20:44:10

Hmmmmm, sad but it does seem like you put your heart in it...hmmmm.

Post 7 by Gracesong (Zone BBS is my Life) on Thursday, 05-Mar-2009 11:18:23

Well, here's the completed song.

Chasing Shadows

The window panes rattle again
Keeping me wide awake
The clock ticks on in perfect time
As every second slips away
I hold my breath afraid to say
What I've kept locked inside
For fear that you will turn and leave
Leaving me hollow but alive

Mask after mask you hope to conceal
Your shattered heart in mystery
But I see you
And I hear your tears
Crash to the ground tonight
Sitting in the dark with your melodies
Calming your stormy soul with every key
Are you there
Or am I chasing shadows tonight?

A politician perfect smile
To show them you're all right
A tragedy left unspoken
Slowly dying inside

Mask after mask you hope to conceal
Your shattered heart in mystery
But I see you
And I hear your tears
Crash to the ground tonight
Sitting in the dark with your melodies
Calming your stormy soul with every key
Are you there
Or am I chasing shadows tonight?